How am I.. really?

Ever had those days when you just do not know what to feel, what to think and what to do? I feel like Rapunzel, trapped and isolated. But unlike her, I am not trapped because I live in a high castle, I am trapped because I have so many thoughts running through my head. It bothers me. My negative thoughts weigh heavier than the positive ones. I am not free because my problems ambush me, it often leads to damage and the feeling of pain is not foreign to me. I feel so abused mentally because I am an emotional person, and to have all these bizarre, depressing and stressing thoughts, it is too much for me to handle. I hurt, every single day. I said I wanted to be positive, I am, but the bad energy at home has reached it's maximum. Whenever someone is stressed, it affects others like a domino. I feel so isolated because no one will ever get me. I feel so detached, and deserted from everything else because my baggage influences me to separate myself from people. Even my parents do not acknowledge the fact that I am depressed too. I am not sure if it is because I am younger and seem happy, or because they think I am carefree as fuck? But who am I to complain compared to everything they are going through? When will this end? I love my parents, and every time they go through something, mentally and emotionally, I go through it too. When they are hurt, I hurt too. I am very empathetic. It is a never ending battle. What did I say about having a break with all these problems? Dear heavenly father, I think I have had enough. I am trying to so hard to be positive, and just when I thought I am managing, it all comes crumbling down again.

To say I am fine is a load of bullshit.
To say I will be seems hopeless and pretentious.
To describe that everything right now is bad is an understatement.

So how am I really because at this point, I really have no idea anymore.

Just my two cents on irrelevant people in our lives

When people assume the worst in you, when they think they know more about you than they really do...

Cut them out of your life. They will only do you damage. There are times when people like to eat someone else's biscuits instead of their own. They like to break you with their words. They bully people, they gossip about people, they will do anything to step on you to hurt you.

Do not let their words define you and with you, take this little quote from Emily Fields played by Shay Mitchell on Pretty Little Liars:

It happens that on rare occasions certain individuals like to be superior than others. No one ever minds their own because it is easier to pick out the flaws of others. You just have to remind yourself to just keep on doing you, never adjust or change who you really are and what you are meant to be just to change someone's point of view about you. Let's face it, it will be hard and it might not even happen. Others will only choose what they want to believe. It is difficult to change the perceptions of narrow minded people since they refuse to avoid and let go of their fixated beliefs. It's like squeezing and forcing your foot to fit in a shoe that will never fit you.

It's human nature to sometimes believe everything you hear about someone but it takes the guts to put these assumptions aside to get to know the person. It's called being the better person. You never know, you might be pointing your finger at the wrong person. Who knows, you might even need their help later on.

✌ SSJ