Tuesday, March 5, 2013

To stay or not to stay

Hello awesome readers,

As you all know (or not).. I am a really depressed person, I have been this way for almost two years and it's crazy how I haven't gotten out of the depression haul phase.. It started when I went off to University, things started to change really fast and way out of my control. Right to this day, I still do not know why everything just fell apart like a domino since November 2011. The choices I made, the disappointments, I feel like I have let myself down big time. I am seeing all my friends move on with their lives, most of them look really happy with what they are doing. Some are working students, some are working students + socialites, while some are just there.. and I am sitting here behind this laptop thinking.. oh God, how about me? I am just here waiting for the next day to wake up and sleep, when will I ever find out what I want to do for the rest of my life?

I have recently talked to my friends here in North America, we caught up and I found out that they are going to the Philippines to study and there's a great possibility that some of them will stay there to work. Before I found out about their plans, I have been thinking about it myself too. Ever since last year, my mom had already given me the signal that I can go home and study there.. Gaaaaah, I would love to! But I really cannot leave my mother here. Besides, I am not even sure if I will be happy after I make this decision. I do not even know if what I am thinking is the right thing to do. This is the biggest decision I will ever make and I do not think I can ever afford to make one more big mistake in my life. I have lost myself along the way, and my wants have slipped away from me and I just want to get back on the right track. The problem is, I do not know how. I have no clue where to start. I need me, but where can I find me?

Should I stay or should I go?
Should I go back to where my heart belongs?
What am I missing out on?

I honestly hope I figure it out soon.
I am so tired and I just want to do something with my life.
Hoping for the best. 


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